The Weekend I Finally Said No
Saturday morning. My phone buzzed. Slack message: “Hey MJ, quick question about the deployment…”
I put the phone down. Didn’t respond.
This might not sound revolutionary to you. For me, it was.
The Pattern
For years, weekends looked like this:
Saturday morning: Catch up on emails Saturday afternoon: “Quick fix” that takes 3 hours Sunday morning: Review PRs Sunday afternoon: Plan for Monday Sunday evening: Anxiety about the week ahead
I told myself this was dedication. Professionalism. Being a good team player.
It was actually just poor boundaries dressed up as work ethic.
The Breaking Point
Last weekend, Archael asked if we could go to the park.
“After I finish this, bud.”
Two hours later, he’d given up asking. Went to play alone in his room.
That moment hit different. My son had learned not to expect my presence.
The Decision
That evening, after the kids were asleep, I made a decision.
No more weekend work. Not “try to reduce it.” Not “only emergencies.” Zero.
My wife looked skeptical. “You’ve said this before.”
She was right. I had. But I’d never actually committed.
Setting Up for Success
Monday morning, I did three things:
1. Updated my Slack status
🏠 Off on weekends
Available Monday-Friday 9 AM - 6 PM AEST
For emergencies: [phone number]2. Email autoresponder for weekends
I'm offline for the weekend. I'll respond to your email on Monday.
For urgent issues, contact [on-call person].3. Told my team directly
“I’m not available on weekends anymore. This isn’t about dedication—I work hard during the week. It’s about sustainability. I need this boundary to be effective long-term.”
The First Weekend
Saturday morning. Phone buzzed. Slack message. I looked at it. Put the phone in a drawer.
Kept checking mentally. “Is it urgent?” “Should I just quickly respond?” “What if they’re blocked?”
Caught myself. Closed the drawer.
Took Archael to the park. Was actually present. Didn’t check my phone.
Sunday. No work. Felt weird. Like I was forgetting something important.
I wasn’t. Everything was fine.
The Pushback
Monday morning, one team member seemed annoyed. “I was blocked on Saturday.”
“What was the blocker?”
“I couldn’t remember how the authentication flow worked.”
“Did you check the documentation?”
“Well, no, but I thought I’d just ask you.”
This was the problem. I’d made myself too available. People weren’t even trying to solve problems independently first.
What Changed
Week 1: Felt guilty. Checked Slack occasionally. Didn’t respond but felt anxious.
Week 2: Still guilty but stuck to it. Team adapted. Found answers elsewhere.
Week 3: Guilt fading. Started enjoying weekends again.
Week 4: Normalized. Team stopped expecting weekend responses.
Week 8: Someone new joined. Asked if I saw their Saturday message. I said “I don’t work weekends.” They said “Oh, okay!” and figured it out.
The Real Results
My stress levels: Way down
My relationship with my kids: Noticeably better
My work quality during the week: Actually improved—I’m less burned out
My team’s independence: They solve more problems on their own
Project delivery: Unchanged. Nothing broke because I wasn’t available Saturdays.
What I Learned
Availability is addictive. The more available you are, the more people expect it.
Urgency is often manufactured. Most “urgent” things can wait until Monday.
Your presence teaches lessons. My kids learned that work is more important than them. I’m teaching them something different now.
Boundaries require defending. You can’t just set them and forget them. You have to maintain them.
People adapt. Your team will adjust. Give them time.
The Exceptions
True emergencies exist. Production down. Data breach. Actual crisis.
I’ve had two in six months. Both times, I got a phone call (not Slack). Both times, I responded. Both times, it was actually urgent.
The other 47 Slack messages? None were emergencies. All could wait.
To My Fellow Always-On Developers
You don’t get extra points for weekend availability. You don’t advance faster. You don’t build better products.
You just burn out faster.
I spent years optimizing my code, my tools, my workflows. But I never optimized my boundaries. That was the real performance bottleneck.
The Challenge
Try it. One weekend. Truly off.
Turn off notifications. Put the phone away. Be present with your family, your hobbies, your rest.
It’ll feel uncomfortable. You’ll want to check. Don’t.
Monday will come. The work will be there. You’ll be better equipped to handle it.
What Actually Matters
I’ve realized something: No one on their deathbed wishes they’d responded to more Slack messages on Saturdays.
They wish they’d been present for their kids. For their partners. For their life outside of work.
I’m trying to live accordingly.
This weekend, Archael asked if we could go to the park.
I said yes immediately. We went. I was there—fully there.
My phone stayed home.
That’s the success metric that actually matters.